It began, as it so often does, with a question for my tarot

—my constant questing to know: When do I arrive? Is this the right way? Do I take that path, or this one?

The cards returned their answer: Rest…wait…nurture yourself…trust.

And I exploded in exasperation.

For fifteen years I have searched for my path, my purpose, the offering I am meant to bring. Many years of knowing something was missing, of sensing that I had so much more to give. And now, now, I finally feel so close. I am certain I have found it. And yet—how do I birth it into being? Is it real?

Rest…wait…trust…dance…oh my goddd!!!

And in my frustration I thought - what might be another way through here...? What if I used the method I have been learning —Intention Constellations (officially known as Identity-Oriented Psychotrauma Therapy (IoPT)) — on myself?

It is not taught this way at all, at least not to me, but who knows?

And what if I asked not when will I arrive, but instead:

What is behind my need to know?

And so this ritual began.

Part I: The Call to the Quest

Part II: Entering the Field

I wrote my intention: I Need Clarity.

Three simple, potent words to resonate with and uncover the parts that live in them.

I would use Tarot as my allies, drawing cards to represent the facets of this inner constellation. Trusting the field to select what I needed most.

I — The Star

Need — Three of Pentacles

Clarity — Seven of Swords

One by one, I entered into resonance with each.

Part III: Meeting the Characters

The Star — I

A dreamy, floaty sensation overtook me. My head felt barely attached to my body. A transparent woman—a nymph-like girl—drifting through meadows, singing softly to herself. Honestly, she doesn't seem to have all her marbles...

Three of Pentacles — Need

A very different sensation - a surge of anxiety: jittering legs, clenching body. From this part's perspective, I looked at my 'I' part in The Star card - she felt completely absurd—useless, lost.

Seven of Swords — Clarity

A huge breath intake—and no release. Frozen, rooted, scared. Paranoia also crept in: I looked at the cards for I and Need : Are they talking about me? Are they ganging up on me? I just want to hide, to disappear.

Part IV: Sacred Inquiry

I return to my 'I' and when I resonate for her I feel her drifting away even further. Since Need came into the field and found her useless, she’s barely present. She’s disempowered, like a fairytale maiden she is cast into mist and sadness now.

I go to Need again. He (I sense a masculine energy) seems to be looking on in despair at these two - at I and at Clarity. He knows it's up to him to get everything operational and working; but he's very disappointed at what he's working with, because frankly no one looks like they are up to the job. And there's a sinking, sick feeling that this is just too much, too much to deal with. It's overwhelming.

The dynamic was set. The dreamer, the desperate fixer, the hidden, frozen truth.

What can I do?! Is this really what my inner world looks like when I try to find direction and purpose? It's alarming honestly.

How do I make these parts feel less hopeless and lost? I move 'I' closer to Clarity but then Need feels dizzy and sick. I try to go back to Clarity for more of her information but she's gone, a child not feeling safe enough to stay. I go back to 'I' - ask what she'll do if she finds her purpose...turns out she's not even looking! Just dreamily, wandering along in life, not actually cut out for this job at all.

There is sadness and delusion underneath all this.

It is disturbing to come face to face with such dysfunctional inner parts, parts I'm not fully aware of who live in shadow.

And yet somehow, if I deeply reflect, this does make sense… When I think about my constant need for clarity it is driven by this need for control, a plan or strategy, for getting it together, driving forward, making things happen. But I also have another part that knows that never gets me anywhere, that most opportunities tend to find me, tend to land in my lap because I bump into someone or have the right conversation somewhere along the line. And underneath it all is frozen terror - what if it never happens, what if I’m left homeless, what if my life is just me alone, cast out, unwanted.

A tragic choreography that keeps me cycling between yearning and striving, paralysis, and collapse.

Reflections in IoPT

• Need is a survival strategy: anxious, over-functioning.

• I and Clarity are trauma parts: disempowered dreamer and frozen exile.

  No trust. No relationship. A fragmented inner field.

In IoPT, the next step would be to trace the trauma back: likely a trauma of identity, where my emerging self was not seen or nurtured, was not allowed to find it's own sense of self and direction. But IoPT, for me, stops short. It diagnoses, it reveals—but then offers only to start again, with another intention.

I yearn for more. What I’m wondering about is how I can use this information here to bridge my way across to the Internal Family Systems modality which does seek to create repair and release.

Reflections in IFS

• Need → Manager: Overburdened, striving.

• Dreamy I → Possibly an Exiled Manager: Helpless, magical, disempowered.

• Clarity → Child Exile: Frozen, shame-bound, carrying a buried soul-truth.

IFS teaches: without Self-leadership, the system cannot heal. Parts distrust each other; each carries pain and siloed strategy. Only through unburdening can the system evolve.

In IFS this happens in the mind, in the imaginary field, which is indeed very powerful! But I want to bring it into the body into a grounded felt sense. And I don’t want to just imagine an unburdening ritual - I want to actually do it! I want to bring my Temple Constellations into this framework here: embodied, symbolic integration.

Part V: Temple Work

I start by deeply attuning to these parts, their sensations, their stories.

My dreamy, wandering, lost I - I know she isn’t useless—she’s been holding my soul all this time. But she needs a Self-led guide to help her root into the body, to learn that her gifts—beauty, myth, feeling—can belong in the world and have real world value. She’s tried many times to create an offering, a presence online, and to find a way to connect to people through magic and myth and beauty, to ‘show up’ in the real world and the failure of this has been taken personally.

She doesn’t believe the world needs her, she doesn't think I need her... but I do! She's my magic, my wandering star that can magnetise opportunities just by being who she is. She needs to feel her feet, walk barefoot on the earth, move her hips, speak out loud. She can tend the fire and sing to stones. Her magic is real.

She’s holding a belief in helplessness, a kind of romanticised passivity that keeps me from stepping fully into my power. She needs gentle empowerment, to be shown that she can co-create with the universe—not just drift. She needs a sacred role in my life, not a shamed one.

The Star card is her potential.

My Clarity showed up in my field carrying the energetic signature of an exile who once held something precious and was punished for it. The huge breath intake that couldn’t be released, the freezing: classic trauma activation.

“If I move or speak, something bad will happen.”

This part remembers a time something very real was sensed or said—and the result was unsafe. And this resonates - a young maybe 10 year old me, hiding on the stairs when i should be in bed, listening in.

The Card of Seven of Swords, chosen intuitively - a powerful symbol for this kind of exile.

Seven of Swords is:

• The part of the psyche that hides

• The truth-teller that sneaks away

• The one who knows something, but can’t share it openly

• Associated with strategy, secrets, and survival
  
  Right now she just needs to feel safe, to feel held, to know its ok to breathe, gentle witnessing. And maybe soon she can experiment with some truth, but not yet.

And my Need - a classic manager part, burnt out, overwhelmed, trying to do it all alone. This part is dominant. He’s been driving the system for a long time, fueled by fear and urgency. He’s probably exhausted, but he keeps pushing, because he believes survival depends on productivity. His Three of Pentacles card shows how he longs to find his skill and for it to make sense within a community - where he’s not working alone. This is what he craves. But he finds himself with team members he can’t make any sense of- a floaty part singing to herself, a frozen child he can’t access. No wonder he’s panicked trying to go it alone for so long, our survival depends on him alone.

He needs support and reassurance. He needs help in bridging to the other parts and understanding them once they’ve reached a more mature level. Then he needs to know and trust the strength of the feminine.

He needs to know that his skills are valued but that he doesn’t have to lead.

And as I end this exercise I notice they are there…they’ve been quietly listening in on me…and they’re quite astounded to be seen so clearly. And trust with me is starting to build, they sense they may not be abandoned again this time.

A Temple of Integration

I lay out The Star, the Three of Pentacles, the Seven of Swords.

I light a candle for the Self-energy they all need to feel.

I start to tune into Star/Dreamy/I and I can already feel what a difference has been made just from the process of tuning into her. She’s dancing! A primal rhythm, barefoot, stamping her feet, she’s a Queen. She’s caught up with the simple pleasure of feeling into her body. I let her dance and stomp.

I attune to Need, his anxiety still present but his exhaustion more so. I lie down on soft cushions, cover myself, close my eyes and feel, really deeply let myself feel the deep rest he needs.

I go to Clarity and she’s resistant to moving or speaking but she is less frozen, less terrified. I ask what she might be open to and she likes the idea of just some breathing (into a pillow to be extra safe), but then some very light humming. She's feeling more confident - she wants her chest and my solar plexus rubbed, perhaps to bring warmth or energy into those areas, so I do this and I can feel some energy returning there. I get images of where Clarity was when she lost her voice - sitting alone on those stairs. And then I can suddenly see her growing into a woman who feels wise and grounded: I get a flash of the mature woman she wants to be and will become - a powerful Oracle, a truth-teller - my inner compass.I start singing gently to let her feel her voice, just single notes at various pitches to help her feel.

This feels like enough for now, it’s ongoing work.

I complete the ceremony by letting them all know that they're safe, that they're welcome and that the Self is here to lead and that they don't need to work so hard anymore.

And then I write my letters.

A Letter from Need

To the Dreamer and the Oracle

Dearest I,
Sorceress of mist and magic—
I have watched you from afar, pacing the edges of your world,
and I did not always understand.
But now I see it: the way you pull wonder from the air
like strands of silver light
woven through your hair.

You dance with the unseen—
you open doors I could never find,
in trees, in tides, in time itself.
Books fall open for you
at exactly the right page.
Fairy lights follow your footsteps.
Mushrooms bloom in spirals wherever you wander.

I once thought all of this was… frivolous, silly.
But what has all my striving built, truly?
Plans and pressure without soul.
Effort without enchantment.

I see now:
you are the one who remembers the language of magic.
You are the breath in the blueprint.
The magnet I never knew I needed.

And Clarity—
oh, sacred one who sees what is true—
you are so quiet and small, and somehow I didn't see you there.
Now I see you carry the knowing.
You hold the flame of inner guidance
the gut reaction that knows the path,

that feels the pull.

Please, don’t hide.
Your voice is precious.
If you speak, I will listen.
If you guide, I will follow.

We need your yes, your no, your silent certainty—
or we are lost.

Let me become something new:
not the driver,
not the dominator,
but the hands that carry what you dream into the world.
The scaffolding for your stars.
The loyal steward of your sacred knowing.

With all my devotion,
Need
The One Who Is Learning to Trust Magic and Truth.

A Letter from I, the Dreamer

To Clarity and Need

You see me now.
And that alone is the beginning of my return.

For so long I have been drifting—
feeling like a whisper
carried by the wind across empty fields,
singing songs no one heard.
Ghost-like and gauzy,
too soft to be taken seriously.

But something has changed.

Now, it's like I can feel all the threads that run through the world.
I can sense the moment before a moment.
I can tilt my head to the wind and know which way we are meant to turn.

It’s subtle, yes.
But it is far from insignificant.

This is not manipulation.
This is magic.
Attunement.
An ancient gift of the feminine.

Clarity—sister of truth and stillness—
I see now how alike we are.
You with your radiant no, your piercing yes.
Me with my wild sense for when something shimmers.
I need your knowing.
When I glimpse an opening,
you are the one who will tell me if it is real,
and how to walk through it.

Let’s be friends,
not fragments.

And Need—
I have struggled with you.
All your striving, your urgency, your iron hands.
You rushed past me.
Dismissed me.
Tried to pull me from the clouds.

But I can see you differently now too.
I see that your structure could be sacred,
if you let softness lead.
If I am given space to guide,
you can help me bring my visions down to earth—
into form, into fire, into something we can hold.

We are a team.
A constellation.

Let me be the wind.
Let me be the one who feels where the path lies.
But help me walk it.

Together,
we can create a different kind of world.

With stardust and certainty,
I
The Dreamer Who Is Learning to Stand in Her Power

A Letter from Clarity

To I and Need, with trembling truth

I am still small.
My voice still wavers when I try to speak.
Sometimes there is only breath, or whispers.

But please know—
I am trying to grow.

Sometimes I feel like I might disappear altogether.
But then I remember—
there is a deeper me
who is becoming something strong.
An Oracle who sees through into shadows.
A Crone who carries medicine made of star paths and ancient memory.

If you listen to me—
gently, patiently—
that helps.

I want to tell you something, I.
I used to admire you so much that I wanted to become you.
Then I wanted you to mother me.
To hold me and tell me what to do.

But now, I think maybe we can just… be friends.
I like that idea.
Your softness helps me feel safe.
And I think we’d make a powerful team—
your sensing and my knowing,
your pathfinding and my inner compass.

As for you, Need…

I need to say this, and I need you to hear it without rushing to fix it:

You frighten me.

When you come in strong,
when you push or dismiss—
it makes me want to vanish.

I know you care.
I know you’re trying to help.
But I need space.
Room to breathe.
Room to find my own way into being.

Please don’t try to lead me.
Just trust that I’m on my way.

I want us all to learn to trust each other.
It’s hard, I know.
But I think we can try.

I want to be heard,
even when I whisper.

I want to grow into my knowing.

And if you let me—
if you believe in me—
I will become someone so powerful, someone we can all deeply trust.

With a heart still unfolding,
Clarity
The Oracle Becoming Herself

From this sacred work emerges a Sacred Inner Trinity:

• The Mystic Maiden (Dreamy I)

• The Sacred Masculine (Need)

• The Inner Oracle (Clarity)

Each remembers the others. Each feels seen. Each steps into a new place in the dance.

No longer ghost, tyrant, or exile—but allies.

A final tarot pull blesses the journey:

The Past — Six of Swords Reversed — "Stuck in the crossing."

The Present — The Hermit — "The lantern is lit. The way is steady."

The Future — The Hanged Man — "Surrender into transformation."

Part VI: Mythic Evolution

Clarity's evolution is underway. No longer must she strive to be heard. Her wisdom will come through trusting, allowing, receiving.

This is Clarity’s future as the Wise Woman, the Seer who doesn’t force knowing but receives it. She will turn upside down, see the world anew, and become a channel for deep intuitive truth.

And I, as Witness and Temple Keeper, honor this unfolding with reverence.

May these records serve not just as memory, but as medicine.

May all parts continue to find their way home.

If this resonates...

If you find yourself stuck in confusion —
pulled in different directions by inner voices that contradict each other —
one moment full of longing, the next frozen or trying to control…
You are not broken. You are not lost.
You may simply be full of parts who haven’t yet had the chance to grow or meet each other.

In my work, we listen to these parts — with compassion, not judgement.
Often they appear in immature forms: a lost maiden, a scared child, an aggressive protector.
But beneath those expressions is a longing to evolve —
to become wise, steady, useful.
To take their rightful place in your inner world.

Sometimes, all it takes is slowing down.
Letting them speak. Or write to one another.
Letting them be seen — not just by you, but by each other.

If something stirred in you as you read this, that may already be one of your parts —finally ready to be met.

Let's find your own Sacred Inner Trinity.