IoPT Ritual Healing | At the Threshold of the Devil’s Vagina

I find myself at the start of a wonderful new life.

I have finally established my healing modality, woven it into three beautiful pathways, and I have clients working in each path. But I still have huge financial anxiety - part of my financial security comes from rental income from my UK property and that currently hinges on me finding a new tenant, else I'm paying my mortgage from savings. I'm trying to sell my mothers flat that is chomping through our savings at an alarming rate. Every day I wait for news of progress, every day my mind runs over these items and tries to find the point in time when I can feel safe, when I can be secure - I just need this to happen before then...

And It's really getting to me, affecting my sleep, stopping me from enjoying my life here in Thailand. Because if I spend my days in hypervigiliance then that will be what makes it all turn out ok. Somewhere along the way my Anxious Parts decided that they can control these outcomes simply by thinking really hard about them, all the time.

So I decided today to work on this with my Intention Process and Rituals.

I Want to Release my Anxiety

I let the field choose the cards:

I : The Devil reversed

Release: Page of Wands

Anxiety: Seven of Wands reversed

I start by resonating for my 'I'. I finds itself in a strange landscape, maybe a desert, somewhere unreal and unknown. It looks and sees the Devil and so guesses this must be hell. Upside down though, the Devil seems friendly somehow, its hand raised in a cheery wave. I look closer and it seems to me the Devil has a vagina - i wonder if that's where I'm supposed to go...I feel disoriented, giddy.

I resonate for Release. Release feels like everything is just so heavy. He looks at the wand he's carrying and wonders if this is what's so heavy...maybe I can drop this and let it go. He imagines dropping the wand, letting go, but feels himself spiralling down into a black void.

I resonate for Anxiety. This is an energy that's trying to escape my body, it wants to leave out the top of my head but can't. So it starts clawing at the earth, tearing down coffin walls; its desperate.

I return to I and it holds a protective energy now, it's worried the Page of Wands will become the Seven of Wands soon - and that looks hard and chaotic.

I return to Release and its feeling trapped - stuck between The Devil and the Seven of Wands which all look so hard and overwhelming. Anxiety is wishing it could go back to a time where it could be the Page of Wands once again...

The Archetypes and Themes

1. The Devil as the Psycho-Spiritual Guide at the Threshold

In the desert-like void of my inner landscape, the Devil did not come to bind me—he came to invite me. Reversed, his presence was unsettling but strangely benign. He waved, almost playfully, and where his genitals should have been was a symbolic vagina—an opening, a portal. The image disturbed me, but it also called me. Was I meant to enter?

In Tarot, The Devil reversed is often a call to confront what binds us—not externally, but internally: fear, control, addiction to certainty, and attachments that are no longer aligned. It can also represent the moment before a descent—when you're standing at the threshold of deep shadow work, whether you're ready or not.

In my context here, he appeared as a threshold guardian, a liminal force offering not punishment, but passage through these attachments. He is the initiator of descent—not to hell, but to the womb of transformation. He asked me not to fight my fear, but to walk into it—with eyes open and spirit intact.

2. The Page of Wands: The Wand-Bearer and the Weight of Becoming

The Page of Wands traditionally represents youthful enthusiasm, new beginnings, his wand is his spark of inspiration, his new vision. He is the dreamer just beginning his journey. But in my resonance, he was struggling. He looked at the wand—and wondered if letting it go might bring relief.

He is supposed to be light, but the wand has become heavy. Not because of the wand itself, but because of the emotional and financial burden I’ve layered onto it: my job, my new modality, my sacred offerings. My efforts to keep one foot in the old world—a house in the UK, savings as a backdoor plan - they are burdening my Page. His only choice feels like letting it all go and giving up: and yet letting go just leads to the Void.

The Page is holding everything up. But he’s young. He’s tired. And he’s starting to believe that the future holds not expansion, but more anxiety. This is a vision of burnout at the beginning. The sacred wand that should guide him is becoming a burden dragging him back to the past.

3. Seven of Wands Reversed: The Voice of Anxiety and Collapse

The Seven of Wands reversed is associated with the archetype of exhaustion, defeat, and inner collapse. It speaks to being overwhelmed, unable to keep fighting, and losing the will to stand your ground. In my body, this energy felt trapped—clawing at the earth, desperate to escape. It longed to return to the lightness of the Page, to the beginning, to the place before the burden.

This archetype of anxiety felt ancient. Not just mine, but possibly intergenerational—survival fears, legacy burdens of collapse, inherited vigilance. It’s like the system remembers: “If I don’t keep everything afloat, everything will fall.”

It's not the Page and the Wand that are the problem. The attachment to control is. And anxiety becomes not just an emotional state, but an exiled part, trapped underground, locked in a coffin.

4. The Void: Collapse, Death, and the Fear of Surrender

When I let go of the wand—even symbolically—I fell into what felt like the void. A black hole spiralling down and away. It was a place my system greatly fears: nothingness. The loss of identity. Of purpose. Of home.

This constellation speaks to a threshold moment:

My system is trying to hold back collapse, but is also craving surrender—not to failure, but to the mystery as it sees the Devil reversed, with its vagina as the portal. There’s a young part (Page) holding everything up, and he’s exhausted. My adult Self, though momentarily disoriented, is called to meet the Devil as a guide, to explore the deep, unknowable womb of rebirth—not destruction.

The Temple of the Devils Vagina

A descent to the womb of rebirth

I light a candle and call in the Ancestral energy I'm working with on my journey -

The Holy Mountain comes in and I immediately recognise this as 'Spirit Mountain', the place I currently work with my Path of Conscious Stewardship client. I always had a strong feeling that this mountain had called me to Thailand - the synchoronicity of arriving at that retreat, and meeting its founders, just as they were searching for a guide to deliver a Conscious Leadership Development programme. This mountain is important to my journey and I'm happy to see it arrive to guide me here in this journey - it lifts my soul to see.

I create a symbolic circle - for Myself I choose a curved stone and place it at the edge, in front of it I choose a feather to represent The Wand. Behind me I place a shallow clay bowl to represent The Void. On one side a stone represents The Weight. To the other side an ornate bowl represents The Vaginal Womb portal.

I step into resonance with 'Myself'. I saw my Wand in front of me and the feather called to me - I could see myself holding it in front of me and us flying, light as a feather both, to the top of the mountain where we were drenched in sunlight. I realised this feather was actually found at Spirit Mountain, an owls feather left in the sand, finding its place into a different constellation then. But now showing me where I'm meant to be and how light I can feel.

I step next into resonance with The Wand. The Wand is sad at how heavy she feels. She knows she is light and beautiful, so clear, but now this heaviness has come. She doesn't want to be associated with all these money worries; with exit strategies in case this doesn't work out, its not any part of who she is. I choose a card to hear her message: Nine of Air. Transition (Witches Wisdom) .

"The flowers are finished and the fruit has ripened, fallen, and broken open on the ground. Everything is just past its prime and beauty is turning to decay. The sickly sweet smell of spoiled perfection is unsettling, and so is the vibrating Air. Thousands of bees swarm and buzz. It's time to move. There's not enough food in the area, or the hive is overcrowded, or filled with parasites and disease. Things have ended. Something new is begining. It's natural." ~ Nine of Air, Witches Wisdom

The message is clear: the past is finished and these thoughts and worries are like bees swarming round long past, rotted fruit. The Wand wants no part of this.

I step into resonance with The Weight.

The Weight immediately asked why I was holding onto it. Why do you cling to this old rotten fruit? It asked. The Weight gave me a clear message: let go of trying to hold onto it all - the money, the house - they are a millstone round your neck, without them you'll be free so just let be what will be. Go and be light and air with The Wand.

I could see its point... I tried to put it down to move on but felt resistance - this weight is familiar, it feels nostalgic, somehow tears seem to be coming at the idea of letting this enormous burden go. I choose a card for its message to me: Five of Water, Consequences (Witches Wisdom) . This card shows me the consequence of clinging to polluted energy out of fear. The price is my flow. The Weights confusion speaks to its readiness to leave, to spare me these consequences of allowing my anxiety energy to pollute my vibration of what and who I attract in.

I step into resonance with The Void. It felt like a complete absence of air, I saw myself gasping for breath like a fish. This is not a resting place, backwards is not home. It's message: The Earthkeeper - an invitation to move fully into my role with this Holy Mountain. My sacred duty is not to dissolve, but to steward, serve, and tend to life.

Finally I moved to the threshold: The Devils Vagina.

Internally I prepared myself, anxious for this journey, wandering whether I was ready. And while I was psych-ing myself up I found myself instantly teleported to the other side. No fanfare, no archetypal descent. Just gently landing on some soft cushions. A little disappointing honestly!

But an important signal from my system: letting go is actually effortless.

I asked for a message and received The Council of All Beings (Witches Wisdom). Me and this card go way back - it often appears at times of lonliness and despair and always serves to remind me that the Realms of Spirit are open to me and there are Guides and Allies who will help me. My heart was so glad to see this wonderful tribe there, ready to welcome me to the Community of Life. My tears streamed : joy, release; tears at the wonder of it all, at life, at this magical process that shows me so much truth and wisdom and allows me to really feel it and be with it all in ways I could never otherwise access.

I'm left feeling so full, so blessed, so in awe, and so ready to leave this anxiety behind - with my old life that I'm shedding like an old skin. I bury the stone that represented The Weight, with prayer and some grief for my old identity, but gladness mainly. This week I will take my feather wand back to Spirit Mountain and spend a day there in the caves, just in silence and meditation, and gratitude that it called me home to myself.

If this resonates...

If you long to release the grip of anxiety — not just to feel calm, but to surrender to something greater…
If you feel yourself standing at the edge of a threshold, where the known ends and something wild, holy, or terrifying begins…
If some part of you is ready to dissolve, to be remade… but another part still clings,
then you are in sacred territory.

Together, we can find the portal that is calling you. The one that belongs to your myth.
We’ll gently uncover what stands at the threshold - a protector, an ancestral vow, a fear wrapped in love. Or a hidden loyalty that says: not yet.

Using parts dialogue, tarot, ritual, and constellation, we’ll map your personal journey to your own underworld temple.
If something stirred in you as you read this piece, trust that -the invitation has already begun.