Swimming in the Pisces Field between Worlds

I'm having some very strange days of surrender

I'm on the other side of my burnout and empty cup and realising that I have to take time away for my sanity. All the struggle to organise things for my mother, get validation from Pierre and the team, move projects forward is all for nothing, I'm going literally nowhere. I have to just stop, there's no other choice.

And that is strange for me and most unusual. I'm used to this happening for very short periods and then I find my mojo again. But this feels quite permenant. I feel a little broken honestly like I can't manage anymore, I don't have the energy or capacity to keep at it. Its dissapointing because I love it. And its what I've always felt good at.

Astrologically I am at this hinge point between Pisces dissolution, trust, surrender; and Aries ignition, action, initiation. So perhaps this is a good place to pause, perhaps my fire is coming up soon.

The pattern tells me that today it's important for me to have experiences where I'm in service to others, and allowed to be an agent of healing and love. So perhaps this is part of this surrender moment for me, to stop grinding and worrying and working away like a beaver, just let the river take its course.

The Healing Current

1. The Quiet Calling: Where does the impulse ot heal or serve naturally arise in me?
   

Five of Pentacles & Ceremony: Invocation

To use ceremony and ritual to work with what has been excluded, left out. What wants to return to belonging and stop carrying shame and hurt.

2. What I Think Service Means: The belief or image I carry about what being of service should look like
   

Eight of Water & Three of Cups

It should feel like my destiny - instinctive, natural, a pull. And it should lead to community, beautiful spaces, relational harmony. This is exactly what I think it means... I guess I need to reorient to a different vision.

3. What is Actually Being Asked: What form of service is truly calling me right now
   

Sweat Lodge & Dreaming

Amazing to get the Sweat Lodge here again as the shape of my work. I think my work creates a sweat lodge, and between myself and the client we enter this mutual dreaming stage together, through co-created active imaginations. It suggests that I may bring deep, subconscious messages, "dark mysteries," to light to help heal hidden wounds or reveal forgotten aspects of my clients.

4. The Barrier: Why I feel like there is "nothing there".
   

Ocean Ebb & Eight of Cups

I feel like if I allow myself to be simply a vessel of love and healing, it won't work, there is 'nothing there'. If I stop 'efforting' and just allow, will anything appear? I feel this way because I'm still in the process of walking away from my old style of relating, of being, or performing. In search of something more meaningful. But it hasn't quite landed yet. I'm frightened to leave it behind, this is a soft and slow transition to a new way.

I've been practised at smoothing over what's really going on, with responses that hide that keep the surface veener.

5. What Must be Released: The attitude, expectation or pattern that blocks the healing current
   

Knight of Wands and Corn

Striving after security and abundance. The chasing that I do. I turn every impulse into something I can market and test and I get excited and then when it fails to produce money I walk away.

6. The First Opening: The smallest action or posture that reconnects me with service
   

The Jaguar and The Maze

Stop trying to find the path. Start moving within the unknown. Using instinct and sensing.

Once again as I ask for clarity I get fog, mazes, smoky mirrors. This is such a time of surrender. I don't tend to trust instinct unless it comes with orientation - towards an income, status, validation, relational welcome. This does require a very different way of moving in the world.

7. The Energy that Flows When I Allow it: What naturally emerges if I follow that opening
   

Witch of Air & Inspiration: Begin Now

This is the third time Witch of Air has appeared around this one same message - stop struggling, stop controling, stop trying to find the way and then you will spin abundance in to being - thought will become form, language is spellcraft. The sap will rise, my dreams will be activated. There may be new encounters, new situations. Goddess Bridie works to create new opportunities for me to grow.

The Spirit Who Walks with me in This Work:

Ghost Dance Ancestors

The Medicine I bring without Trying; Lightning