A Journey Guided by The Sorceror (part one of two)

I'd been meaning to visit the Mountain, where I work, for some time.

Visit as in "commune with", "energetically attune to". Particularly when it played such a big role in a recent constellation. And I feel this mountain called me here honestly. It's too great a coincidence that I have the very unique blend of skills that this ecological research company based there desperately needed, just while I happened to be passing by. And I wanted to spend an afternoon in one of its caves...meditating and listening in.

And this intention snowballed somewhat....which is perhaps where things started to go wrong.

Because just meditating sounds a bit dull, a mushroom journey is a lot more spicy. I've not had great experiences with plant medicine, even in well held ceremonies I found myself lost and distorted and unsure what I was meant to be navigating and how. But I thought, perhaps now, with more life experience and understanding, I might give this medicine another try.

I used the cards in the weeks leading up to attune to my journey and find out what was in store.

Apparently mushroom journeys are all about the intention...

But in my experience the mushrooms don't give a fuck about your intention, they have their own ideas of what you need.

The Outcome

What will be Released

What I will Gain

This is an excellent start.

It seems I will gain expansion, broadening of my horizons, finding my opportunities and thinking big!

Perhaps I will gain insight on my mission and how to scale what I do.

And it looks like I will release this sense of being pummelled by every challenge, feeling exhausted and ready to give up as each new hurdle comes at me. I couldn't ask for more honestly!

And gaining The Queen of Wands - a perfect full circle back to my first Bone Temple constellation. Gaining these beautiful qualities of strength, boldness, vibrancy, creativity!

But now another fellow seeker joins me.

She offered companionship on the journey, and these journeys are best done supervised. She offered holding space. And it felt nice to be met by another on a spiritual journey, to be on a joint quest. But one must take care in selecting comrades for this kind of journey, the energies combine in ceremony and deep trust is needed. And I had only met her once. She brought a lot that seemed ideal - ideas for altars and offerings, playlists, drums, flowers, cushions and mats, ice, food for after to ground, tea with honey to sip, sage, candles, incense, scarfs, invocations...It seemed our ceremony would be very beautiful! What's not to like?

As the big day approached I designed another spread, as my journey map.

I asked what ancestral guide was with me guiding my journey and what angelic force was also alongside.

The Sorcerer appears as my ancestral guide. This is no small thing—this is the one who walks the edge between shadow and power, illusion and alchemy. This journey will not be a gentle basking in light, but a confrontation with the deeper architecture of my fears and old imprints of lack. The Sorcerer invites you into initiation—not punishment. My task therefore is not to vanquish the shadows but to reweave my relationship to power, scarcity, and the unseen forces that have shaped my path.

Open from The Rose Oracle comes forward from the angelic realm.

Together, they form a sacred gate:

• One side invites me to meet my fear of scarcity and powerlessness.

• The other shows me that it is my openness, not my self-protection, that becomes the bridge to others—and to grace.

The Sorcerer says: “Look at what you do with pain.”
Open replies: “Let the pain pass through you—and become beauty.”

The Guardian at the Gate

What energy will meet me as I enter?

Its The Serpent sitting across The Five of Cups. And as I attune to the resonance I can feel myself having a very physical experience. I'm sucked into a gloopy womb and I'm held paralysed in the jelly-like substance, then battered around like I'm on a rollercoaster ride. It's a very rough ride.

The Serpent is an energy as old as time, he asks you to shed your old skin, to let go of what isn't working and embrace the unknown, however vulnerable it makes you. The Five of Cups is your sorrow and regret. This feels like a potent and challenging gate.

The Key to the Cave

What inner stance will unlock the truth I seek?

Two cards for Dreaming and Shape-shifting. The cards suggest there will be visions, archetypes, symbols - the perfect pattern of the cycle of life. These visions will show me how to fit into the pattern.

The Ally Beside Me

What supportive energy, guide, or inner part will walk with me?

The Ace of Fire and Bloom. Cards of community, the fire within us and the fire we all share. And of blooming into fullness. Perhaps my Ally is my dream for myself...

The Shadow that Waits

What wound, fear, or old story wants to be seen?

The Hermit reversed and The Andean Cross.

Together, these speak of an initiatory descent—into a buried truth, an exiled part, or even a forgotten power that has been hidden in my depths. The Andean Cross is the multi-dimensions. It depicts the four cardinal directions, the upper and lower worlds, and the steps to reach these realms. The hole in the centre is the gateway to interdimensional travel, the proverbial eye of the needle we can all go through to experience higher states of awareneness and wisdom and to break free of linear time. The Hermit reversed is an intense inner journey.

The Fire Within

What power or truth is waiting to be reclaimed?

7 of fire and Strength (Inanna). Two cards of strength, courage and fire. Inanna comes to remind me of my innate power. She will show me how to connect to that inner strength and deal with any difficultly or adversity that comes my way. I can take courage from Inanna's lions. 7 of fire is also a lion card: A lion waits to offer medicine that will transform my life and he shows me what it is to be strong.

The Mountain’s Gift

What blessing, message, or shift is being offered through this journey?

Temperance and Cave (Sanctuary). The Temperance card brings balance, patience and moderation into your life. I will be able to stabilise my energy and to allow the life force to flow through me without force or resistance. It’s time for me to recover my flow and get my life back into order and balance. The Cave card promises an inner sanctuary in which to feel peace, and also the same space in the natural world. Perhaps my mountain cave can become my sanctuary.

The Sorceror Speaks

What is the deeper message of the Sorcerer archetype for me today?

9 of Cups and 8 of Water. The Sorceror will grant my wish! 9 of Cups is the card of wish fulfillment and happiness. He tells me to allow my wildness within to hatch, to run toward whatever is drawing me. It's an initiation into a time of destiny, of awakening. If I can learn to trust my instincts, adventure awaits! I'm given permission and allowed access.

Finally the day arrives!

Should have prepared with a full detox...but I manage a detox on the day, so I'm feeling light and clear. But when we arrive at the mountain I start to feel uneasy at the amount of luggage we seem to have gathered, its a lot of stuff and feels more like we're on a picnic.

My friend has clear ideas of how this will go, there's a playlist for cutting mushrooms, a playlist for drinking and drumming and another for the journey. The altar takes up the whole of the cave and there's not much room to lay or stand up without banging your head. And for some reason, I entirely give all my power and sovereignty away. I don't speak up as this unfolds. Mutely plonking down flowers, lighting incense, the altar offerings placed, all orange - why? no idea. An invocation is read but I feel no connection to my intentions, no attunement with the mountain, no sacredness behind the altar. This is borrowed magic, rituals that don't belong to me. Its a performance for the aesthetics. Maybe a hope that candles and flowers and trinkets and sage will appease the Mushroom Gods and gift us with a pleasant journey filled with light.

Its with sadness and confusion that I drink the mushroom tea. We are already dripping sweat from lugging and unpacking all the stuff. We're stressed from trying to get a fire lit, and battling mosquitos. I had asked my cards how strong a dose I should take for a journey guided by The Sorceror. 1g was The Hermit reversed - this dose is too light suggesting I might be stuck in the fog. 1.5g was Knight of Pentacles reversed - this speaks of resistance to movement, obsessive control, or fear-based caution. It could be a useful encounter with my fear of failure or slowness in claiming my power—but there's a risk here of getting stuck in frustration or feeling inert. 2g - Kinght of Wands reversed - this is volatile energy. Here lies my anger, impatience, and desire to burst out of my constraints—but it's also the place where recklessness or self-sabotage lives. With the Sorcerer, this dose would likely lead me straight into the heat of my scarcity fire: the wound of being too much or not enough, the hunger to finally be seen. 5g - Justice reversed - this is a full-blown dismemberment. I could expect the collapse of narratives, ego death, karmic reckoning. Justice reversed isn’t just unpleasant—it is the moment when you see the web of all cause and consequence, and how your own distortions play into it. For a journey guided by the Sorcerer, this dose is potentially too much. I risk losing myself in it, especially in a cave—a literal underworld.

So 2g is the sweet spot ✨My friend had decided on a small 1g dose so she could be more conscious to help me and also for the needs of her own journey. But here is more confusion, I had wanted to drink just the tea, to avoid the nausea caused by the chitin which mushrooms are mostly made of. But my friend was already well on the way to consuming all the mushroom in her cup. So no time for stewing then as my journey was already set to be longer. I just washed them down. Then sat there drumming...

It began at The Gate just as the cards foretold.

A strong physical sensation of being paralysed, my body feeling so heavy it was hard to breathe. And then a lot of physical discomfort and images flitting through my mind's eye. The nausea came and it was hard to focus - should I walk around, lie down, dance? Whichever I tried felt wrong and I was feeling physically battered.

Eventually my body felt so heavy I just had to lie down. My mind started to lose sense of time and place, I felt myself in multiple lifetimes, unable to recall which was real. It seemed I'd been in the cave for an eternity, at the end of every lifetime I'd find myself back in the cave. It was overwhelming.

This was The Hermit and The Andean Cross.

I tried to remember my intention and connect with the mountain. The mountain had nothing to say and wondered honestly why I was there, I was just like a tiny ant. My smallness and insignificance ballooned in my mind. My mind reached for someone who was holding me, but found no one, because there is no one, I'm completely alone with my son, no family left, no partner. I know this very well and yet my mind baulked and kept reaching, reaching.

The sadness and terror of this got too much, I was hoping to feel the universe holding me, the 'knowing that we're all one' that so many people report on. Instead I got emptiness and deep awareness that no one is coming for me. I walked out by the fire to try and get myself back on solid ground, not this endless falling, But as I sat there I was visited my the presence of my mother from when I was a child - the mother I had adored, not the mother she has turned out to be. And I felt deep sorrow at this loss of this former version of her and also the sense that it had all been my fault, how things between us turned so bad.

I had to lie down again to shift away from this heaviness. Now I was shown endless energetic grids like circuitry being wiped and relaid down. Every thought, breath, movement, heartbeart seemed to create an energetic pulse. It was beautiful but repetitive and endless. It was hard to feel any sacredness behind this journey.

Then came Fire.

There was heat from the jungle, and from the fire, already adding a level of intensity. But then a searing heat came - not sure if from the inside or outside. But sweat started to pour. This might feel like the time for drumming - this is when you need the drum to call yourself home, to centre yourself, to regulate. But what actually happened was my friend sat up and said "I want to go home, I'm calling my husband to get us".

And that was when everything rushed up to meet me.

It hadn't occured to me she had an escape hatch, an emergency cord to pull that I didn't have. No one is coming to help me get myself back down, give me a cup of tea and a cuddle. And in the state that I'm in, I now have to fully realise the consequences of bringing this much shit with me into the cave. I dug deep, I found my own fire. I packed up, I lugged mats and cushions back to the office. I composed myself to now have to go home and be with my son, who I had intended to be in bed asleep on my arrival. But sadly we had only been on this journey a mere 3 hours. This is what happens when you relinquish your sovereignty, and this lesson hit home hard - I have to be there for myself, I have to take actual care of myself, my body, the experiences I take on - because no one is coming for me except me.

I was furious with this woman, with her selfishness, her lack of endurance. I was resentful of her safety net. And I was engulfed in self-pity which is one of the ugliest emotions to get lost in.

This mountain had kicked my arse. I lugged my sorry self home, refused all offers to carry my bags, to come to her house for a while - nope, this is my lesson right here and I intend to fully learn it and carry it all the way.

Part 2 - for how I eventually made sense of my experience, found the sacredness and reclaimed Inannas fire for myself.

If this resonates…

If you’re feeling called to plant medicine - mushrooms, ayahuasca, san pedro,
If you’re wondering what lies beneath the surface of your intentions, fears, or longings before you step into ceremony...

Or if you're curious to know how your journey may unfold,

Then this tarot journey may serve you well.

Whether it’s your first encounter with plant medicine or one of many, the cards can help you tune into the unseen. They reveal the energies at play, the parts within you asking to be witnessed, the gifts and guardians that may walk with you—and the shadow threads that seek your compassion.

Just like my own journey, it may not play out in quite the way you expected! But you can feel more prepared to meet the themes and intensity nonetheless.

This tarot spread is an invitation to listen to your soul before the journey begins. To orient yourself to the inner terrain. To glimpse the mythic story you’re walking into, so that when the winds rise and the symbols swirl, you can remember: You are not lost.

If you’d like a pre-journey tarot reading to help illuminate the path, I’d be honoured to walk beside you.